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I know how it feels. The ripping apart of your heart.
It may even go deeper as the pain penetrates the whole body as if there’s a part of you being torn from the skin as if it is separating from your bones. The weight of the pain can take you down. Ruminating thoughts of why am I not good enough. Why couldn’t it work? What could I have done differently or better?
The truth is, it was never meant to work out the way you wanted it to. It was meant to teach you something. It was a master teacher. The pain that you feel is the wound that is being triggered that attracted you to that person, place, or thing to begin with, and if you allow it, you can shed the skin, the version of you that resonated with that lesson.
The root of the attachment is the wound that is calling to be healed. I had deep wounds of never feeling good enough, never feeling chosen, and always being betrayed. So I was always attracted to men that I abandoned myself to prove my worth, so they would see how good I was and then they would choose me. That would only lead to them cheating on me. This pattern went on my entire life until I realized it was me attracting the same archetype because it was me who needed to know I was good enough, choose myself, and be loyal to my values.
When I finally realized what I was creating spirit gave me tests. They came in the form of love, but I vowed to stay in the friend zone until I knew it was the right person. What I was doing was observing myself- my patterns, my behaviors, and my feelings. I still had some wounds to heal, but this time I did it without the pain of commitment and completely losing myself. The attachment tho, was very real. I realized I wasn’t attached to the person. I was attached to the idea of what it could be. I was attached to the vision and the hope. Because if I don’t have that hope I have nothing, and If I have nothing then there’s no one, and if there’s no one I am totally alone. So, If he could just heal, he would see me. That was the test- I’m the one who needed to heal to see me and feel safe being alone.
When we understand that our emotions carry the story, we can apply that to every feeling we have. Then we can understand what the attachment is. It is multi-layered. Underneath that fear of seeing myself, is actually the fear of being alone, So I would rather be attached to my wound of rejection and stay in that pattern than have 0 options and be alone.
When I truly see myself, I am not afraid to be alone, I love it and I’m in my wholeness frequency, and that becomes a match for whole love. The attachment to this person taught me that I was holding on to potential and my wound of rejection as the creator of that pattern because I was afraid of being alone. It felt safer to be rejected by the man I love than the loneliness of the unknown.
The integration of this awareness is literally being alone. Once you understand your pattern you have to change your behavior and the act of different decisions tells your nervous system “it is safe”. When you’re nervous system records that it downloads a new program. Now I have turned that feeling of loneliness into self-love. I nurture myself, I take care of my health, my emotions, and my physical body, and that creates a magnetic frequency. We attract what we embody. So let go of the wounds keeping you in a loop. That’s the key.
If you would like to learn how to be this connected to your body and learn what stories are keeping you attached to the person, the job, or the location, join me in this upcoming Retreat and program series. Click the link below for more info.
With all my love,
Amalia
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